Voodoo Doll, Attack, FREAKING PICC Lines, Opportunities...

May 20, 2011

The Good: My sister and her new husband sent me a care package filled with gifts from stops made during their Vegas/ Mexican cruise wedding.  One such gift is a voodoo doll named Sumo; she is used for good instead of evil.  Her mission, as stated below her feet is “To watch over your body and help you love what you are.”  She is now named “Miss-Understood” and is hanging on my balcony protecting what I am.

The Bad: I feel as if I’m lying on the ground, unable to protect myself while being repeatedly kicked in the ribs.  Laying here like this, defenceless, I escape by going into my brain and thinking... and while thinking I wonder what kind of footprint I’ve left given all my soles/souls are facing sideways.

The What the ???:  The PICC Line, the line I love to hate... that crazy ass tube that goes in my arm up to my chest, the one that “rarely” causes “any” problems... to date I’ve reacted to the plastic dressing and stretch band cover, skin has broken down, and I developed a blood clot simply by inserting it... yeah, it “rarely” causes problems. 

I just learned that your body can reject a PICC Line over time, which means it PUSHES IT OUT, so naturally my body is SUCKING IT IN!!!  A home care nurse noted it had gone in by 4cm and promptly called the hospital to report it, seems this is a big deal as it could have HIT MY HEART! 

So why wasn’t it a concern when it pushed in 3cm, or even 2cm??  Apparently this is rare and staff are not well versed in how to react to it... one nurse pointed out “this should have been dealt with earlier” yeah, I agree, BY A FREAKING NURSE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED KNOW...  luckily for me that one home care nurse took the initiative... not that the hospital followed-up on the detailed message that was left, I had to follow-up on my own, yet they still say “THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE”...

I wish I could play back these conversations on a big screen, invite everyone involved, and maybe even have popcorn... I had a freaking tube suck back into my body running the risk of it hitting my heart, and up until yesterday nobody cared, then all of a sudden hell breaks loose, they won’t take my blood, don’t want to do chemo, this NOW needs to be dealt with immediately.  So yes, they dealt with it, but not without several pushes and follow-up from myself... it’s exhausting being a patient sometimes, and then they put the clip back on incorrectly J. 

Am I pissed, no, ok, maybe a little... more disappointed and reminded that only I can take care of myself, and that I’ll be the only one eating popcorn and playing back these scenarios on the my big screen mind, everyone else has moved on....

Lessons Learned: “Wish” Day 6 of 100 Days of Happiness was filled with opportunities, past, present, and future ones I can look forward to.  My evil goddaughter is teaching me to be patient, that anything is possible and that my door is still open to opportunities that I’ll soon understand... My evil goddaughter is teaching me one Day of Happiness at a time.