March 25, 2011
The Good: I watched this video 3 or 4 times, maybe more and each time I saw something I’d missed before; at the end though I always thought the same thing... Cancer has changed me, but I’m here, and I can still see me.
This video may not be suited for all audiences, viewer discretion is advised.
You’ll want sound for this video:
The Bad: Back in February I drew back the drapes on chemo, it was done and I was happy to see some light. Walking back into the chemo unit this past week was hard... those drapes are now shutters banging in the wind; I wish the noise would stop.
I saw some old faces which were sad, I hate seeing the same people, and you want them to get better, ring that damn chemo bell and get the hell out! For those of you saying “what bell?”... there’s a bell on the floor you get to ring after the last treatment.
What’s worse though is seeing the new ones, new faces, not unlike how mine was 5 months ago. I know the new faces because they still have hair, they are always asking questions or getting lost, mostly though you see in their eyes how scared they are.
I don’t hear that damn bell very often; I wish it was noisier...
The What the ???: In addition to doing chemo infusions twice a month (the hospital never used the term “infusion” prior to this, makes my sister think of tea), I’m also doing oral chemo, BONUS (insert sarcasm symbol).
I tapped a few of those Toxic Little Tablets (TLT’s) into my palm and started to count, 1, 2, 3... I need 7, when out of the corner of my eye I can see the nurse rushing over saying “don’t put those on your hands!”
Ummm, how did she think I was going to take them, shake directly into my mouth and hope that only 7 of the 98 go down my throat...? I’m thinking she should have said something, or perhaps the pharmacist could have mentioned it while explaining I can’t take them with Grapefruit or “exotic” oranges, whatever the heck those are??
I’m no statistician but I believe any study would conclude that the majority of subjects were more likely to touch the pills with their hands than they were to wash them down with an exotic orange (not literally an orange, but the juice from one).
Sheesh, I can’t put them in my hands but I can swallow them, talk about mixed messages!
Well, I didn’t go up in flames or show any signs of smouldering, some thorough hand-washing followed and so far so good.
My routine at home now is to tap tap tap 7 of those TLT’s into an espresso cup, I then transfer the TLT’s from the espresso cup to my mouth, and it’s all quite civilized in a bizarre sort of way.
Lessons Learned: Art makes me happy, all forms of chemo make me sad, and I need to find out exactly what exotic oranges are so that I don’t eat any!
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