Clean Up, Trying to Escape, Insane, In Charge...

July 22, 2011

The Good: I’m removing all things “stressful”, which means, if it’s/ they are more trouble than it’s/ they are worth, it’s/ they are gone... my instincts/ gut will guide me to the it’s and they’s that need to go.   

My life has been dangled in front of me these last few months and I know whatever will be will be, so I’m grabbing onto what dangles with both hands and swinging the hell out of it,  wahoooooooooooo!

The Bad: I was trying to escape through television... the first show I surfed across was about a male athlete battling cancer, the second wave took me to a story about a child battling the same thing... so much for my escape. 

I watched the show that involved the child thinking it was more likely to have a happy ending. 

Her name is Alex and I could see through past interviews how treatments had affected her, not from the obvious, but from her eyes, you can tell she has seen too many things for someone so young, Alex died at the age of eight. 

It’s amazing how much we can learn from children, and it’s too bad we leave that part of ourselves behind as we grow older... A child should never have to know the word “cancer”.

This is her website: http://www.alexslemonade.org/about

The What the ???: My oncologist, in so many words, called me “insane”!  Several months ago I hit rock bottom with chemo, but I was willing to continue... he said the average “sane” person would have walked away, I replied with “so I’m insane” and he agreed adding that he meant “insane” in a strong persevering sort of way. 

We ended our conversation with a handshake and a smile, both of us happy we are able to have this conversation, a few months ago that didn’t seem possible, and we both knew that... 

Physically I can do whatever they tell me to do if I set my mind to it; mentally I question most of it.

Lessons Learned: I have to “take charge” in order to be “in charge”...