The Good: I asked my brother to remind me why I’m doing this shit... without hesitation he said “it’s to enjoy all the things in life that you love, the time will come where you’ll enjoy them again”.
He also said he remembers me as a kid, and that I took on things to the extreme. He remembers my elementary school project on Elvis Presley... although it wasn’t part of the guidelines, I chose it anyway and was determined to show them why, and I did... not long after I got the idea to put on a production of “The one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters” and I knew this would be a hit; my poor mother slaved away for hours designing and sewing the costumes to accommodate my vision.
His point was, that from the time I was a child, if I took on something, I ran with it until it was a success, and he thinks I’ll do the same with cancer; be successful.
I’ve always been very determined and I don’t let people or obstacles push me around, perhaps that will include cancer...
The Bad: I’m sitting in the examining room and I hate being there, I’m waiting to discuss radiation. I listen to the Doctor explain how it works, immediate side effects, long term risks, etc... I listen to the Nurse on what needs to be done before, during, and after treatments. I listen to both of them but I’m not really there.
I’m alone getting dressed; I glance at myself in the mirror and begin to cry.
The What the ???: I went to get my “markings” for radiation, and holy shit, they are actually tattoos!! In my little brain I thought there was some sort of super hero permanent marker, I had no clue they’d be sticking me with needles and dye; this whole cancer process never ceases to amaze and frighten me...
I was sharing my tattoo experience with a friend over coffee and grilled cheese, he thinks mayo should be added to the classic sandwich, I say “No”; the thought of doing that amazes and frightens me as well...
Lessons Learned: The little boy in the seat in front of me is missing all his fingers on one hand, then a young woman gets on the bus using her cane and hands to guide her to a seat, she’s blind. The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, and life goes on...
No comments:
Post a Comment