The Good: Last year while in France I tried running, not something I’ve done since I was a kid yet I had a natural ability, as in, I had good endurance and went the extra mile, my French connections were impressed.
I tried the same thing, with not so good results... it seems the cancer devil has tapped into my endurance and taken that away, no surprise as this devil has tapped into pretty much everything and screwed them up as well.
I ran for a few minutes, walked a few more, ran a few minutes, walked even more... fuck you cancer for not allowing me to run away from this, but I will... I will keep going out until I reach a point where I can run fast enough and long enough to leave you behind.
The Bad: Apparently the after affects of chemo can hit at anytime... I haven’t had a treatment since June 22nd, but was knocked on my ass for 2 days this last week; 2 days in bed trapped inside my head, exploring my brain. My earth shattering conclusion is ... life can suck big time, but you can’t let it suck the life out of you... acknowledgment is key, moving on though is the only way to survive.
The What the ???: Had to renew my driver’s license, and as luck would have it, my photo needed to be updated as well.
I explained to the guy that I wouldn’t look like this in a couple of months, let alone 5 years because of cancer treatments, and could we please just leave the old photo, or take one in a few months... He said “No” which was fine; it’s what he said after that bothered me. He said he “understood” what I was saying, he “understood” how I felt, and that it was just a photo ID, no big deal, blah blah blah... He’s a man with hair yet he understands what it’s like to be a woman who’s been living without hair for the last 9 months, who lost her hair in one day... apparently he understands what that feels like for me.
I didn’t want that reminder on my driver’s licence for the next five years, to have this time captured in time... I didn’t want to explain to people in the future that “Yes” that’s me, just with no hair. I would have preferred he just say “No” rather than claim to “understand”... he then went on to say how I looked good, the hair wrap was nice, and I’ll probably be quite pleased with the photo... HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND!
If you’ve woken up one day and had all your hair gone because of poisons you voluntarily injected into your body, you understand what I’m saying, If not, then you don’t.
Just stick to the facts driver license guy. If you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes, don’t jump into them just for the sake of jumping, you don’t understand what I feel or why I feel it, period.
Lessons Learned: There’s too much blah blah blah that goes on in this world and not enough quiet.
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