Welcome to my Journey nicknamed "My Moonstone Journey" for no reason other than that's what came to mind, and it started on October 26, 2010 when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

I thought this would be a good way to unload my week's events as a means to maintain my sanity, as well, an avenue for family and friends to see what's going on.

I had no idea what would happen after October 26th, I have no idea what will happen today, I have no idea about tomorrow, and I'm starting to accept that, and it scares me a little less each day approaching the unknown...

If you're reading this, chances are you're one of those people who are holding my hand through this and for that I Thank You...

Friday, November 18, 2011

Learning, Santa, Chimes, Respect...

November 18, 2011

The Good: I’ve learned the importance of looking you in the eye when I toast to any occasion, I’ve learned to hug you before you hug me, I’ve learned to take a step back in order to get somewhere faster, I’ve learned people are far more unique than I’d noticed before, I’ve learned it’s ok to ask for help, I’ve learned pain reminds me I can feel, I’ve learned other people hurt when I’m in pain, I’ve learned my anger towards cancer is my will to survive... I’ve learned I want to learn more.

The Bad: ‎I’m with my physiotherapist and we are reviewing progress, both of us doing that awkward scrunched up grin; “fuck, I wish I had better news” and “fuck, I wish I was doing better”... 10 steps forward, 20 steps back.

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is 50 steps forward... and if that fits in my stocking, feel free to wrap up some extra 10 steps in gift boxes for under the tree, it’s cool if you don’t have time for fancy wrapping or bows, just the steps would be appreciated as is.   

Ps. While I don’t have a chimney, I do have 24hr security so feel free to leave the steps with them if I’m not around.

The What the ???:  A very special friend gave me a solar powered chime... it’s quite pretty yet I was puzzled as to how it would work.  Is it going to chime like crazy while the sun is out, and teeter off at dusk? Does it need to charge for a day to gain energy and then chime periodically in the days to come?  Do I get enough direct sun light to get this baby going??? 
                       
Throughout our visit it chimed every so often, and unlike a wind chime, it’s unexpected because there’s no wind to cue the chime, which makes it special when it does.  And then it got cloudy, and assuming it never got fully charged, the chimes stopped, and it hung there... and then she left. 

Shortly after her departure, there are still no chimes, and I’m writing an e-mail thanking her for the gift, saying how it hasn’t chimed since she left, and at that moment, it chimes, just for a short bit, but long enough to make me say “what the??” and then it was gone, and it hasn’t chimed since. 

Lessons Learned: She smiles when she sees me, genuine as she says “you look really good, how are you feeling?” 

We go through the standard question and answer period, blah blah blah... and then she asks “how are you doing on tamoxifen (nasty drug that keeps evil cancer cells away)?”  I explain that it didn’t work out, I gave it the old college try but in the end I’d rather take my chances out on the street. She lifted her arm and rested her elbow on the examining table beside her, I was in a chair across, she then let her head fall onto that same arm into her hand, her eyes down, but her face couldn’t lie, she genuinely cared what happened to me, or rather, she wasn’t afraid to show me that she did.    

She and I didn’t click on our first meeting, since then I’ve gotten to know and trust her judgement, that day is when she earned my respect.

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